Reflecting on being adrift...
Referring to myself as a bit of bark, worn down by caress of water's edge and the grasp it had on its branch of origin... Would an analyst say I lacked self confidence, or had far too much modesty? I think I've finally shown some humility... Not a seeded limb, to take root and sprout another tree, I am a barren bit of bark.... But maybe the shape is such that where it lands an artist will pick it up to use in creative expression. Maybe, the lay of the land will hold it cradled till time and space cover it in mud, and centuries later, when waters return, there will lay an ocher-red piece of petrified bark, magical and warm to the touch...
I find these kinds of things all the time. My eye is drawn to the odd shape, the incongruous detail. Bits like this are treasures to me. And now, to comfort me, things only Dad could know would delight me are turning up in my path. Dad is gone...
It's funny how many things directly related to his Being are in my path, popping up like in a pinball machine... Funny things that make me smile with the realization that Dad is everywhere! That he is able to comfort me with new skills. That he wants me to be happy.
His Boyceterous vim & vigah are restored 100-fold!!! (probably 100 to the millionth power!!!)
Still, my tears reveal how much I miss him.
Sunday, February 12, 2006
Transition in progress...
Like a bit of bark attached to its branch at the river's edge which has finally broken free after years of the water's caress, and the branch's hold.
Now it's free... Shaped by its dance with the water and its own grasp on the branch from which it grew ~released by time and gentle force of water's flow ~ now it rides, trusting, swirling on flowing surface of water.
Where will the Journey land it?
So, I twist this despair and relief and gratitude for Dad's release to Heaven into strength and vision. I know it will land me somewhere beautiful as the shape I float with is whittled and loved into being by Dad's loving, funny and intelligent care~ And, even as he walks his new path his Being is now expanded to walk with us as we gather in family to mourn our lost Daddy...
His light is cast upon my drift and will illuminate my Journey.
Saturday, February 4, 2006
Lazy Tendencies ~The Waning
I observe that humans have a tendency to take the lazy way out. We grieve by sleeping and eating, even as that type of grieving yields only more to grieve for. We grow fat and despondent; things begin to fall apart around us and we wonder why, crunching away. I could easily go that way except for being on the cusp of a completely new me.
The new me is getting stronger and does not want me to go any further down the lazy path. There is a new fit tone me who wants to run, ride, dance, paint, create, and write in pursuit of my elusive dream!
I want to be running, writing stories, and illustrating ideas. I want to be with myself when an idea becomes a real thing to share with the world. The stronger more confident self is winning the battles more and more often even as these struggles wane... even my sad unsure self likes me better and is beginning to trust my choices.
So, run & contemplate the doubt of the voice, paint & contemplate the unsure strokes, ride and breathe life into the memories and stories.
I live so you can sing your songs.